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I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
why we do not have a romance class...............
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.