Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.