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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.