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Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...