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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.