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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
Just found out that Iām 53 Cheetos tall.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: