Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.