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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.