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I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.