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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats
Smelling another person should be a choice.