Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me