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I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.