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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.