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For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?