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When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over