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Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Gun Control: Use both hands
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.