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Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!