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I wish my mind had a delete button.
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.