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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?