Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do baby clothes have pockets?
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.