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To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.