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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Iām better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Multitasking? Iām not even good at unitasking.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.