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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Haters are my motivators(:
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.