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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned