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great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....