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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"