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They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.