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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!