Daily Silly Status

Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.

When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.

I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance

I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??

You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.

Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things

Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.

Very productive day today, turd-wise

My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.

I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.

I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.

I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.

A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.

Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.

If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.