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When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
I laid awake all night again worrying about why Iām always so tired.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.