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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.