Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.