Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.