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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops