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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red