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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.