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I just called. To say. I texted you.
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?