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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.