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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”