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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360