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Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
I wish I had a friend like me
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.