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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.