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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.