Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.