Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.