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This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.