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Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic