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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.