Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.