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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?