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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.