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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.