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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"