Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!