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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.