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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up