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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.