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I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.