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I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.