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Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.