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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?