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FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.