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If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
In space they just call it "Jam"
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
A court date is still technically a date, right?
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.