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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.