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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball