Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Your personality needs alcohol.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver