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There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.