Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.