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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
That moment when being uncool, is cool