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I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.