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Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)