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Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."