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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.